What is a barrier that you wrestle with that keeps you from being fully confident in who God made you to be?
Throughout my entire life, I have never doubted God’s existence, but I have often questioned His intentions while creating me. Growing up, my self-image held me back from being fully confident in who God made me to be & believing that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”.
From middle school to even college, I was constantly ridiculed and shamed for my body. Guys would tell me (both in-person and over the internet) things like “Sara, why are you so flat?”, “If my future wife had your body, I would make her get plastic surgery”, and “No guy would ever want to f*ck you”. But several of those same guys would also try to physically take advantage of me.
This created so much conflict, shame, and confusion for me that still impacts me to this day. The same body I was being degraded for was the same one being lusted over. I never understood why people felt the need to say or do these things to me. There were far too many nights when I would simply cry and ask God, “Why did you make me like this? Why can’t I just be beautiful? Why do people have to hurt me like this?”
But the more I cried out to him, the more strongly He told me that I AM beautiful and that I don’t need to seek anyone else’s validation when HE is the one who created me. How could I possibly think that God, who creates the most detailed and beautiful art in this world, didn’t give me the same care when He formed my body?
Since then, my self-image issues have resurfaced at times, but they’re short-lived. I cast out any lies that the enemy is trying to hurt me with and instead proclaim my identity as God’s beloved daughter. I have accepted that while beauty is fleeting, my legacy will remain. So, I don’t want to be remembered for superficial things anymore. I realize that God has given me specific gifts and that I am called to be someone who expands His kingdom. Knowing that I will forever be loved and pursued by the LORD is the only identity I will hold onto.