Growing up, I have always struggled with being vulnerable. I found it difficult to open up to people, and I felt like I had put up walls around myself to protect myself from being hurt and judged by others. I often dealt with my emotions and struggles on my own and avoided talking about them as a way of having control over my life. However, these walls that I built up were barriers preventing me from becoming closer to God and others on a deep level. By closing myself off, I struggled to give God control over my life and accept myself for who He made me to be.
The weekend before spring conference, the girls in my accountability group did a listening prayer for me. One of the images that stood out was of me sitting chained to a chair, alone in a dark room with a single ray of light. At the time I did not understand what this image meant; however, at conference I was reminded of this image as I reflected, and I realized that like in this image, I was chained down by invulnerability and trapped in a dark place because of the walls I put up around myself, and the light was my hope for a way out. At conference I learned that I did have a way out – through vulnerability. By opening up to my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, I can face my struggles head on and seek them for prayer, support, and mentorship. By being vulnerable in front of God, I can lay down everything – my worries, insecurities, and brokenness. I can give Him control over my life and trust in His plan for me. Being vulnerable is definitely not easy and is an ongoing learning process, but I want to challenge all of us to be more vulnerable with God and with each other, because we will be able to grow in so many ways and build deep and meaningful relationships with the people in this community.